She screamed while they sewed up her mouth, until she couldn't anymore. The girl we were babysitting slept in the other room, my friend and I watching the sick scene of the horror movie, me wishing I could sew up my own mouth.
Exercising like crazy, eating like crazy. Addicted to the feeling of tight and strong muscles after running four miles, my hand on my chest to feel the wild pulse of my heart while playing tennis, constant soreness in my abs. Addicted to granola bars and strawberry jam.
Restless in mind and body. Painting lashes with upward strokes, a dark line of black against them, then realizing I would rather not go out. Pacing endlessly in all directions, counting as I go through the up and down movements of sit-ups.
I'm getting somewhere, I can feel it.
Please don't let me eat.
Thanks to:
becca;
Dani
Christina
Olivia Lee
crashxDburn
ascendancy
Jane Pansy
PerfectOxymoron
Rain
Sam Lupin
Little Miss Thin
Run
thisismeskinny
jackie
for commenting. Your support means the world to me. <3
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Saturday, August 13, 2011
not ready
The rough carpet scratching against my bare back, his weight on top of me, kissing through the taste of energy drinks and the tired confusion of 4 a.m. I don't want to be here, but there's nowhere else I'd like to be.
"God you're the hottest girl I've been with," he says, his green eyes meeting mine, a line he's probably used dozens of times on dozens of girls, but I'm okay with that. His hands are rough over my body. I wonder if he has a condom, if he can feel the ridges of my hipbones pressing into him through his jeans, if he can hear the pounding of my heartbeat. And it's strange how lonely I feel while so physically close to someone.
He reaches to pull his zipper down, but I reach for my shirt. And I leave before I can make another decision I'll come to regret.
I wasn't ready, and I won't truly be ready until I'm comfortable in this body.
Thanks to
Sam Lupin
Little Miss Thin
crashxDburn
lulu
EmptyShell
Thin or Not
Ahava
Run
Catharina
Dani
for commenting.
"God you're the hottest girl I've been with," he says, his green eyes meeting mine, a line he's probably used dozens of times on dozens of girls, but I'm okay with that. His hands are rough over my body. I wonder if he has a condom, if he can feel the ridges of my hipbones pressing into him through his jeans, if he can hear the pounding of my heartbeat. And it's strange how lonely I feel while so physically close to someone.
He reaches to pull his zipper down, but I reach for my shirt. And I leave before I can make another decision I'll come to regret.
I wasn't ready, and I won't truly be ready until I'm comfortable in this body.
Thanks to
Sam Lupin
Little Miss Thin
crashxDburn
lulu
EmptyShell
Thin or Not
Ahava
Run
Catharina
Dani
for commenting.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Measurements
The tape measurer winding its way around my body, for the very first time.
Chest: 31 inches
Waist: 24 inches
Hip: 33 inches
"Size double zero right?" she asked as she reached for a pair of dark blue jeans, on a shelf too tall for my height of 5"3. "No, zero," I said.
We strive to be something, by trying to become nothing.
A spoonful of yogurt, the rest thrown away. Uneven, jagged edges of a half-eaten apple. A bite of chocolate, spitting it into the trash. Food gets terribly boring, uninteresting. I'm finally truly tired of eating.
Please click here to help Riley Children's Hospital, thank you Skinnygirl for not only raising awareness about this, but actively working to help save lives.
Comment Replies:
HeatherMB- I'm sorry to hear about your knees, I hope they get better! The elliptical seems like a really good workout, I've never tried it though. I hope you have a lovely day!
Sammy- Thank you so much for your comment, you made me smile. (:
Dani- I'm sorry that you had to throw your scale away, his concern for you is truly touching though. I still hope that you find a way to negotiate with him about having a scale, maybe in a month or so! Thank you for your comment!
Skinnygirl- The link is above, I'm glad you are doing this. (:
A Girl with Tiny Intentions- Thank you for commenting, I hope you have a lovely day!
Cinnamon Brown- When I was a kid, I would throw my vitamins down the AC vent things, I had the Fred Flintstone vitamins. It's good to hear that the vitamins helped you stay relatively healthy at your lowest! Thank you for commenting!
RaeLynn- Thank you, your comment made me very happy. I love running cross country and I'm glad you did too. (:
Little Miss Thin- It's great to hear that you did cross country too! And I think the girls on these blogs are like a team, like family, and you're part of that too. (:
Chest: 31 inches
Waist: 24 inches
Hip: 33 inches
"Size double zero right?" she asked as she reached for a pair of dark blue jeans, on a shelf too tall for my height of 5"3. "No, zero," I said.
We strive to be something, by trying to become nothing.
A spoonful of yogurt, the rest thrown away. Uneven, jagged edges of a half-eaten apple. A bite of chocolate, spitting it into the trash. Food gets terribly boring, uninteresting. I'm finally truly tired of eating.
Please click here to help Riley Children's Hospital, thank you Skinnygirl for not only raising awareness about this, but actively working to help save lives.
Comment Replies:
HeatherMB- I'm sorry to hear about your knees, I hope they get better! The elliptical seems like a really good workout, I've never tried it though. I hope you have a lovely day!
Sammy- Thank you so much for your comment, you made me smile. (:
Dani- I'm sorry that you had to throw your scale away, his concern for you is truly touching though. I still hope that you find a way to negotiate with him about having a scale, maybe in a month or so! Thank you for your comment!
Skinnygirl- The link is above, I'm glad you are doing this. (:
A Girl with Tiny Intentions- Thank you for commenting, I hope you have a lovely day!
Cinnamon Brown- When I was a kid, I would throw my vitamins down the AC vent things, I had the Fred Flintstone vitamins. It's good to hear that the vitamins helped you stay relatively healthy at your lowest! Thank you for commenting!
RaeLynn- Thank you, your comment made me very happy. I love running cross country and I'm glad you did too. (:
Little Miss Thin- It's great to hear that you did cross country too! And I think the girls on these blogs are like a team, like family, and you're part of that too. (:
Friday, August 5, 2011
cross country
I see the world through eyes that don't seem to belong to me anymore, a long road ahead, raindrops of sweat dotting the sidewalk, the vagueness of houses and trees that recede as I run past. Like reindeer pulling Santa's sleigh, we run in pairs of two, lined up behind each other, our bright shoes against the pavement creating a rhythmic pounding. Legs, arms, body in constant motion. The uneven spurts of words, talking, dies out. My heart is bursting out of my chest, each breath I take requires me to think, I feel intensely alive and ready to die. Pain clouds my thoughts, I hide in memories, memories of kisses, memories of laughing, disassociating my mind from this body.
Words of encouragement shouted, gasped by the girls around me are better fuel than food. Numbness in my legs as we sprint towards the finish line, a pole. Collapsing onto the grass, the solid ground, we've made it, we've finished, together.
And for the very first time, I really truly understand the meaning of a team, to me, it means family.
Comment Replies:
crashxDburn- I agree, I also loved Wintergirls. It really gives me thinspiration and provokes a lot of thought each time I read it. I hope you read Wasted sometime! Thanks for commenting!
Cinnamon Brown- I love the way you put things, everything that seemed complicated, chaotic to me, becomes much clearer and less overwhelming when I read your comments and insight. Thank you for the comment!
Honor Regzig- "I think real self-acceptance also means accepting that these thoughts will always be with us and learning how to integrate all our parts into a whole". Amazingly well said, thank you. It truly made me think. Thank you for your comment!
dayofmine- Wasted was definitely hard to put down. I also would like to read some of her other novels, like Center of Winter.
Dani- I hope you get a new copy soon, I randomly read through mine frequently. I hope that one day, we can escape into a brighter world, it's hard to survive while we live in the mirror.
Sammy- "For one, I'm tired of not being able to write my own story, but let this ED splutter out splotches of ink to cover up the words I've already written, the promises I've made, twisted the words until lies were painted upon the paper." Beautiful. You truly are a wonderful writer.
kes- I hope you read it sometime, it's definitely worthwhile! I agree, I wish everyone could have a truly happy ending.
Pralinka- If you ever write your own book about your ed, please send me a copy, I'd love to read it!
thin_thighs- I'll check it out, it sounds really interesting. I hope you're doing well, and I hope you have a lovely day! <3
jackie- I haven't read too many books about eating disorders, hopefully we'll both find more good ones. (: Thanks for your comment!
Haley- It's almost impossible to put Wasted down! I love how you read it in Barnes & Nobles. Thanks for commenting!
Words of encouragement shouted, gasped by the girls around me are better fuel than food. Numbness in my legs as we sprint towards the finish line, a pole. Collapsing onto the grass, the solid ground, we've made it, we've finished, together.
And for the very first time, I really truly understand the meaning of a team, to me, it means family.
Comment Replies:
crashxDburn- I agree, I also loved Wintergirls. It really gives me thinspiration and provokes a lot of thought each time I read it. I hope you read Wasted sometime! Thanks for commenting!
Cinnamon Brown- I love the way you put things, everything that seemed complicated, chaotic to me, becomes much clearer and less overwhelming when I read your comments and insight. Thank you for the comment!
Honor Regzig- "I think real self-acceptance also means accepting that these thoughts will always be with us and learning how to integrate all our parts into a whole". Amazingly well said, thank you. It truly made me think. Thank you for your comment!
dayofmine- Wasted was definitely hard to put down. I also would like to read some of her other novels, like Center of Winter.
Dani- I hope you get a new copy soon, I randomly read through mine frequently. I hope that one day, we can escape into a brighter world, it's hard to survive while we live in the mirror.
Sammy- "For one, I'm tired of not being able to write my own story, but let this ED splutter out splotches of ink to cover up the words I've already written, the promises I've made, twisted the words until lies were painted upon the paper." Beautiful. You truly are a wonderful writer.
kes- I hope you read it sometime, it's definitely worthwhile! I agree, I wish everyone could have a truly happy ending.
Pralinka- If you ever write your own book about your ed, please send me a copy, I'd love to read it!
thin_thighs- I'll check it out, it sounds really interesting. I hope you're doing well, and I hope you have a lovely day! <3
jackie- I haven't read too many books about eating disorders, hopefully we'll both find more good ones. (: Thanks for your comment!
Haley- It's almost impossible to put Wasted down! I love how you read it in Barnes & Nobles. Thanks for commenting!
Saturday, July 30, 2011
"you never come back, not all the way"
"You never come all the way out of the mirror; you stand, for the rest of your life, with one foot in this world and one in another, where everything is upside down and backward and sad."
-Marya Hornbacher, Wasted
My copy of her memoir is like origami, a thousand little folds in the top corners of pages, marking profound ideas and phrases I wanted to remember. Reading the words over and over, it creates a strange sort of emptiness inside, full but still starving, as if I've tried to satisfy my hunger with freezing ice water. She tells her story so well and so completely, it feels like I've lived her life and experienced the horrors. Her world seemed confused and dark, the images unfocused, as she ripped and tore away the realness of being human with wants and needs; becoming sharp ribs and bones holding up a nearly dead body like the framework of a damaged house. And it's terrifying and fascinating to see how far she went, 52 pounds at 5'3, almost inspiring to know it is possible to lose half of myself and still come out alive, though partially dead.
There is no truly happy ending to her story, and there will never be a happy ending to anorexia or bulimia, and we know that, and we probably knew before we slipped into the mirror, but it'll take all our strength to break our way out.
Comment Replies:
Little Miss Thin- Thank you, you are so sweet!
jackie- I've missed you bunches, I'm glad you are back! That made my day, I'm sure we'll both be able to wear them soon. (: I hope you have a lovely day!
Kat- Thank you for your kind words and positivity! I hope you have an amazing day.
Dirk Gently- Thank you, you're so nice!
Ellaveigh- I agree, tomorrow can always be better. Thank you for commenting!
More Than Me- Thank you, I hope you have a lovely day!
Lucy's Shadow- Thank you so much!
amelia- I hope you're having a lovely day also. Thank you!
Princess Perfection- Your comments always make me smile so hard. Thank you for being you! (:
time to pretend- Thank you incredibly, you made my day. I am doing better now, thanks to all of the lovely support from amazing people like you. <3
S.- Thank you so much for your comment! (:
becca;- "Hope is always there, sometimes we're just looking in the wrong places," so true. Thank you!
A Girl with Tiny Intentions- Thank you, I hope you have a lovely day! (:
Camille- It sounds like a really great job! I will definitely look into it. Thank you, I hope you have an amazing day!
EWC- I'm very glad you're back, we've missed you!
Dani- Thank you, I hope that everything is going well for you.
-Marya Hornbacher, Wasted
My copy of her memoir is like origami, a thousand little folds in the top corners of pages, marking profound ideas and phrases I wanted to remember. Reading the words over and over, it creates a strange sort of emptiness inside, full but still starving, as if I've tried to satisfy my hunger with freezing ice water. She tells her story so well and so completely, it feels like I've lived her life and experienced the horrors. Her world seemed confused and dark, the images unfocused, as she ripped and tore away the realness of being human with wants and needs; becoming sharp ribs and bones holding up a nearly dead body like the framework of a damaged house. And it's terrifying and fascinating to see how far she went, 52 pounds at 5'3, almost inspiring to know it is possible to lose half of myself and still come out alive, though partially dead.
There is no truly happy ending to her story, and there will never be a happy ending to anorexia or bulimia, and we know that, and we probably knew before we slipped into the mirror, but it'll take all our strength to break our way out.
Comment Replies:
Little Miss Thin- Thank you, you are so sweet!
jackie- I've missed you bunches, I'm glad you are back! That made my day, I'm sure we'll both be able to wear them soon. (: I hope you have a lovely day!
Kat- Thank you for your kind words and positivity! I hope you have an amazing day.
Dirk Gently- Thank you, you're so nice!
Ellaveigh- I agree, tomorrow can always be better. Thank you for commenting!
More Than Me- Thank you, I hope you have a lovely day!
Lucy's Shadow- Thank you so much!
amelia- I hope you're having a lovely day also. Thank you!
Princess Perfection- Your comments always make me smile so hard. Thank you for being you! (:
time to pretend- Thank you incredibly, you made my day. I am doing better now, thanks to all of the lovely support from amazing people like you. <3
S.- Thank you so much for your comment! (:
becca;- "Hope is always there, sometimes we're just looking in the wrong places," so true. Thank you!
A Girl with Tiny Intentions- Thank you, I hope you have a lovely day! (:
Camille- It sounds like a really great job! I will definitely look into it. Thank you, I hope you have an amazing day!
EWC- I'm very glad you're back, we've missed you!
Dani- Thank you, I hope that everything is going well for you.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
the city never sleeps
Covered in darkness, they walk by, their faces illuminated by the bright shop windows and glowing signs. The feeling of the damp, freshly rained-on streets through my sandals as I walk quickly over the stone ground, shadowed by the constant nightmare of an eating disordered mind, trying to get away. Away from the mistakes in the past and the ones I choose now, away from the overwhelmingness of life.
It has been said that the city never sleeps, but it seems to be in that semi-conscious state, between the oblivion of sleep and the awareness of being alive and awake. Above me, a thousand squares of light, belonging to a thousand lives that I wish I knew. The city is strangely quiet, peaceful, tonight. It feels intimate, raw, intensely lonely; like the woman who stands before the bathroom mirror at night, eyeshadow and tears washed away. She stares, unseeing, at the blankness of the ceiling and walls as she lays awake, searching for the strength to carry on, searching for something that will fill the emptiness inside.
Even in the blackness of night, there is light and beauty and life. Just as we can depend on the first rays of sunshine each day, we can depend on the smiles and happiness of a brighter future.
Thank you to kes, AVY, AJ, Olivia Lee, S., Britni Marie, Princess Perfection, Ellaveigh, Kat not Jas, EmptyShell, alice ana, Dani, Dirk Gently, in.the.name.of.thin, SkinnyLittleMe, Little Miss Thin, Grace, RaeLynn, Almost Alex, Catharina, and Meg for all of your love and support when I needed it the most. It meant the world to me to know that someone cared.
It has been said that the city never sleeps, but it seems to be in that semi-conscious state, between the oblivion of sleep and the awareness of being alive and awake. Above me, a thousand squares of light, belonging to a thousand lives that I wish I knew. The city is strangely quiet, peaceful, tonight. It feels intimate, raw, intensely lonely; like the woman who stands before the bathroom mirror at night, eyeshadow and tears washed away. She stares, unseeing, at the blankness of the ceiling and walls as she lays awake, searching for the strength to carry on, searching for something that will fill the emptiness inside.
Even in the blackness of night, there is light and beauty and life. Just as we can depend on the first rays of sunshine each day, we can depend on the smiles and happiness of a brighter future.
Thank you to kes, AVY, AJ, Olivia Lee, S., Britni Marie, Princess Perfection, Ellaveigh, Kat not Jas, EmptyShell, alice ana, Dani, Dirk Gently, in.the.name.of.thin, SkinnyLittleMe, Little Miss Thin, Grace, RaeLynn, Almost Alex, Catharina, and Meg for all of your love and support when I needed it the most. It meant the world to me to know that someone cared.
Friday, July 15, 2011
suicidal?
I once wrote a post about suicide, asked everyone to promise they
wouldn't take their own life. I'm truly sorry for being a hypocrite, I
really tried to stay positive, but this life is overwhelming, I'm too
weak to handle it.
wouldn't take their own life. I'm truly sorry for being a hypocrite, I
really tried to stay positive, but this life is overwhelming, I'm too
weak to handle it.
I was sure these feelings and thoughts would never come back, but now
I'm drowning in them. I want to die. I can't live in this world or in
this body. I crave death, at the same time, I'm afraid, so afraid. I'm
more tired and sad than I've ever been in this life, and all I want is
rest, even if it means sleeping forever.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
"don't fall, I see lights in the distance"
My size zero shorts are falling off my hips, I'm afraid to carry anything in the pockets, in case it might weigh them down completely.
I've started running again. As I run on the treadmill, I feel like a hamster on an exercise wheel. I'm stuck, chained to this machine, I'm not allowed to get off. My legs are burning and my lungs struggle for air, I disassociate my mind from this body, I can't feel the pain because it isn't really me running. I ran three miles today, half a mile further each day.
I'm avoiding the scale, the last time I weighed in, I was 100 pounds. I don't bother, no matter what number it is, I'll never be happy.
All this work, effort, progress, it feels so pointless. I'm addicted to chasing a destination I'll never reach.
Does anyone know where Jordan, who used to write The JDawgManifesto, went? I'm worried about him.
Thank you incredibly for your comments on my previous post. All your concern and kind words really made me feel cared about and happy. I'm sorry I couldn't reply to comments individually, I was in a hurry for preparing for a 15 hour flight tomorrow morning.
B
lottie x
Bones
AJ
MiniandMerry
becca;
Little Miss Thin
in.the.name.of.thin
Dani
Sammy
Kitty
EmptyShell
unbeautiful
amelia
Princess Perfection
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
the world wasn't shaking, it was me
Her steady hand drew dark brown eyeliner around my eyes, as I stared into the darkness of my closed eyelids and thought about how I could avoid breakfast. "Open slightly," she said, as my other friend watched. A dark purple color flooded my vision until it felt as if my eyes were closed again and I wondered how I could feel so nauseous if I had not eaten.
I recalled nothing else, until I vaguely felt the world shaking and shaking, I wished I could find something to hold onto, to tie me to this world, because I was sure I would be shaken right off. I heard voices calling, screaming my name. My eyes opened, and I was on the floor beside the dresser, on my hands and knees with my friends knelt down beside me with worried faces. They told me what I couldn't remember; I had passed out and my entire body had shook for a minute, similar to a seizure.
They forced me to go to the emergency room. I wonder what I'm doing to my health, and I wonder if I should care more. In all honesty, I tried to feel concern for my body, but I really do think that it was an interesting experience.
Comment Replies: I love you all incredibly. Thank you so much for your kind words, I truly appreciate each comment.
lottie x- Thank you for your lovely comment! (: I'm glad we've both found our true homes, and I hope we never leave home.
Dani- Yup, I trust in things falling into place if they're meant to be. (: Thank you for commenting, I've missed you!
Rachel Tavi- Thank you for your comment! I hope your friends return home soon, and that you have a lovely summer! (:
Cinnamon Brown- I'm so proud of your progress, I wish I could have been here for all these changes! Thank you for commenting, I hope you have a wonderful day! <3
Princess Perfection- Your comment made me smile, I've missed you a great deal! I hope you had an amazing vacation, and I'm happy to hear how about your motivation and hard work! Stay beautiful! (:
Sammy- I've missed replying to everyone's comments, I'm glad I'm back! (: Good job on fasting and I'm glad to hear that you are happy! Hope you have a lovely day, you deserve it!
~christy~- I agree, love truly is the best feeling in the world. I'm sure that you will reach your goals, you have my support! Good luck, stay beautiful!
Kitty- Hello, I love new followers! (: I hope we get to know each other! Have a lovely day, you deserve it. <3
amelia- Awh thank you! I hope you've had a good time also, I need to catch up on everything! (:
killa kristen- I've missed you all so much, I'm glad I'm back also! (: I hope you've had a lovely summer so far also! Thank you for your comment!
Neeska- I've missed you incredibly, I hope you've had a good summer so far! I need to catch up on your blog and progress and life! (: "sometimes we need to choose our own destiny", I love that, I love the power of deciding to make things happen instead of just hoping and waiting.
Empty Shell- I smiled so, so, so much when I saw all your comments, it truly made my day! (: I was wondering, where did your blog go? I can't find it on your profile page. Thank you a million for all of your lovely comments, you can't imagine how happy you've made me. (: Have a lovely day, you deserve it!
Kitty- Thank you, I'm glad I'm back with all of you! (:
Little Miss Thin- Thanks, I'm glad to be back! (: I hope that you have a lovely day, and stay beautiful. <3
AJ- Thank you for commenting! I hope you've had a lovely summer so far also! (:
Kat- Thank you for your kind words! I love your blog background, it's stunningly gorgeous. I hope you have an amazing day, you deserve it! <3
I recalled nothing else, until I vaguely felt the world shaking and shaking, I wished I could find something to hold onto, to tie me to this world, because I was sure I would be shaken right off. I heard voices calling, screaming my name. My eyes opened, and I was on the floor beside the dresser, on my hands and knees with my friends knelt down beside me with worried faces. They told me what I couldn't remember; I had passed out and my entire body had shook for a minute, similar to a seizure.
They forced me to go to the emergency room. I wonder what I'm doing to my health, and I wonder if I should care more. In all honesty, I tried to feel concern for my body, but I really do think that it was an interesting experience.
Comment Replies: I love you all incredibly. Thank you so much for your kind words, I truly appreciate each comment.
lottie x- Thank you for your lovely comment! (: I'm glad we've both found our true homes, and I hope we never leave home.
Dani- Yup, I trust in things falling into place if they're meant to be. (: Thank you for commenting, I've missed you!
Rachel Tavi- Thank you for your comment! I hope your friends return home soon, and that you have a lovely summer! (:
Cinnamon Brown- I'm so proud of your progress, I wish I could have been here for all these changes! Thank you for commenting, I hope you have a wonderful day! <3
Princess Perfection- Your comment made me smile, I've missed you a great deal! I hope you had an amazing vacation, and I'm happy to hear how about your motivation and hard work! Stay beautiful! (:
Sammy- I've missed replying to everyone's comments, I'm glad I'm back! (: Good job on fasting and I'm glad to hear that you are happy! Hope you have a lovely day, you deserve it!
~christy~- I agree, love truly is the best feeling in the world. I'm sure that you will reach your goals, you have my support! Good luck, stay beautiful!
Kitty- Hello, I love new followers! (: I hope we get to know each other! Have a lovely day, you deserve it. <3
amelia- Awh thank you! I hope you've had a good time also, I need to catch up on everything! (:
killa kristen- I've missed you all so much, I'm glad I'm back also! (: I hope you've had a lovely summer so far also! Thank you for your comment!
Neeska- I've missed you incredibly, I hope you've had a good summer so far! I need to catch up on your blog and progress and life! (: "sometimes we need to choose our own destiny", I love that, I love the power of deciding to make things happen instead of just hoping and waiting.
Empty Shell- I smiled so, so, so much when I saw all your comments, it truly made my day! (: I was wondering, where did your blog go? I can't find it on your profile page. Thank you a million for all of your lovely comments, you can't imagine how happy you've made me. (: Have a lovely day, you deserve it!
Kitty- Thank you, I'm glad I'm back with all of you! (:
Little Miss Thin- Thanks, I'm glad to be back! (: I hope that you have a lovely day, and stay beautiful. <3
AJ- Thank you for commenting! I hope you've had a lovely summer so far also! (:
Kat- Thank you for your kind words! I love your blog background, it's stunningly gorgeous. I hope you have an amazing day, you deserve it! <3
Sunday, July 3, 2011
I'm back
I've missed you all incredibly. I'm about to read through all your comments on the posts while I was away and catch up on all your lovely blogs. I would really love it if you would leave a comment telling me important or meaningful things that have happened while I was gone for the last few weeks.
I laughed, I cried, I danced. Most of all, I loved. I filled up all the hunger and emptiness inside me with love; love for life, friends, myself. I made the best memories of my life, with people that became friends that I will love forever, in three short weeks. I followed my impulses and did what I wanted, with no regrets. And as for J, I fell asleep in his arms on the last night, and I will always remember our early morning runs, kisses, laughs, everything. I don't know what we are, or what will happen now that we're a thousand miles apart again, but I trust in the future and I know things will fall into place. I found true happiness. If home is where the heart is, I will be back home again next summer.
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