I used to crave death, think about suicide all day and it would haunt me in my dreams. Like many others, I would wonder for hours on which method to take, I couldn't choose, hanging gun poison drowning pills knives. I'm glad I never chose.
A friend of one of my very good friends recently committed suicide, she died in the hospital. I never knew her, never met her, never will get the chance to become her friend.
It made me wonder how many people are silently struggling to find the will to live each day, not telling anyone. It truly breaks my heart and makes me want to do anything to stop someone from taking their life.
Because even if you think that nobody will miss you, that nobody will cry, you're wrong. Someone will. I know for a fact, because I will cry for you, miss you, endlessly wonder why you're gone. I cried for that girl, I cried for the guy I once knew, because they would never live or laugh or love again, because their family and friends were distraught, because I cared, because I never knew what they were going through. Many, many people in your life will wish that they had told you how much you mean to them, wonder if you ever knew how much they loved you, wish they had done something. Please don't do that to them.
If you ever think you're worthless, that you don't belong, you're wrong. I'll list a million reasons why you deserve to live.
So promise me you will never take your own life, promise me you'll never commit suicide. Please. Promise that you'll ask for help, that you'll tell someone. Because things will always get better, taking your life is not the answer.
I hope none of you could relate to this post, because I hope that you are all happy and free of suicidal thoughts. If you ever need anything, someone to listen, I promise I'll always be here for you, even if you don't know me, even if we just met. Email me if you need to talk.
You are so nice. :) How do you combat those moods you get in that come with ana? You know, those hopeless depressing moods
ReplyDeleteLove this post your the sweetest and very insightful :)
ReplyDeleteI know that feeling. I used to daydream for hours in class about how I would die. It just went on for years, but then one night I remember seeing the full moon for the first time with my contacts in. I remember being so grateful for seeing that, it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Then I knew that it would get better. It's such a struggle, such a thoughtless hopelessness, but once there's that spark of life, it gets so much less painful. Thanks doll, for this sharing. love love love
ReplyDeleteahh sorry, one more. It's so interesting because before I would think that the only reason I couldn't kill myself was because of my family (mom's mom killed herself), and I couldn't inflict that kind of pain again. But now I want to live for myself. Because you know what? I fucking deserve life. :D
ReplyDeleteWow this is an awesome post! I think that it is so good you did this. I know that a lot of people will read it that might have needed this. Thank you for posting it!
ReplyDeleteThings with the bf have gotten better. This week has been crazy I am so glad it is over. Here's to a new week!!!
o and I weighed in at 137.3 on friday I dont know when you care taking weights again but just let me know.
Thank you so much for the comment and everything! Stay strong
<3 Jess
I know what its like to fantasize about ending it all. I'd stare at my bedroom window, wondering if i jump, would anyone care? I'd look at the train tracks, wishing myself to be on them. I was too chicken to attempt to do anything, but I've regularly self--harmed because of these thoughts. However, the only thing stopping me was the fact that I didn't want to die fat. Thank you for caring. Thank you for posting.
ReplyDeletei use to think about it all the time as well an di mean all the time i knew exaclty how i woudl do it too
ReplyDeletebut i woudl never be able to leave the boy or my lil cousins even if u dont wanna live there is alwasy one thing one thing to hold u to this planet one thing that can change ur mind
Oh god. This is so relevant to how I felt at the beginning of the week. I overdosed on pills. But realized exactly what you wrote in this post. That there are people who would morn my death even if I didn't think so. This post might kaput stop someone from taking there life. Thanks for posting it!!!
ReplyDeletekay so maybe im just bit emotional lately but this made me cry!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this post!
ReplyDeleteI failed at suicide once but I never tried to kill myself again. Thoughts are still there. I constantly try to motivate myself to keep living, not give up and that maybe somebody cares. I still don't have any dreams or major plans for future. But i sincerely hope things will get better one day and i'll be happy to be alive.
This is such a fantastic post. I had a friend take her own life in grade 11. And we all thought the same thing, "Could I have done something to prevent this?" I think it's so important to let people know you care...And you've done just that. You really are a beautiful person... Well done. :)
ReplyDeleteyour an incredible person. I could never have put that into words. Much love. Jx
ReplyDeleteI think this is a beautiful post. As someone who suffers from suicidal thoughts, this means a lot to know someone cares. It's crazy the bonds that I've formed to people on blogger and other sites. For people who never met me, you guys sure care about me a lot. Thank you for posting this. I'm not promising no suicide attempts but I will promise to give what you said some serious thought.
ReplyDeleteLove. <3
This is amazing, thank you. I'm going to come back to it the next time I start courting death.
ReplyDeleteYou are such a beatiful woman with a spectacular heart and soul! Thank you for posting this. I know that if you disappeared, even just being blogger friends, I would lose a piece of my heart. Your words are like superglue trying to mend the pieces that crumble off us all. I personally could never attempt suicide but I have thought about death and leaving this world plenty. I used to think no one would care, but then I realized one of the reasons I wanted to die was because I didn't want people to give a damn about me, but they did! Life is worth living for, it may not feel like it all the time, but there are always people like you willing to lend a helping hand for those that are lost to find their way back. Much love <3
ReplyDeleteWow, this really touched me. I was moved to tears when I read this post. I used to have consistent suicidal thoughts about 2 years ago. Still, sometimes when things get tough I consider it, but it's people like you, people who genuinely care about others even though you might not personally know them who give people like me the strength to go on. Thank you so much. I now know that I can always revisit this post whenever I'm feeling down and reassure myself that there IS someone out there who cares. You've helped me in a way you could never imagine.
ReplyDeletexoxo Caro
That was really beautiful writing. Thank you for saying that. Everyone needs to know that they are loved.
ReplyDeletethat was beautiful. and i honestly respect u for that. u are amazing and the nicest person ever. I kno i dont kno u but after that post i want to be ur friend. ur awesome ciao
ReplyDeleteYou are an absolutely amazing person.
ReplyDeleteI admire and respect you.
This was really beautiful.
I wish I could say I could not relate to this post, but sadly, I could at one point.
Now, I am free of my suicidal thoughts and tendencies, but they are always going to lay dormant, I think.
But I do promise never to take my own life.
Never again.
Been there, done that, lived through it.
Thank you for this post.
I hope you know I am always here for you as well.
You are one of my greatest sources of support and inspiration.
Keep on keepin' on.
Hang in there and stay strong, love! <3
this is a fantastic post, well done.
ReplyDeleteif you change even one persons mind about suicide, you've done more than most people in their life.
a very close friend of mine hanged himself,
and no body knew there was anything wrong with him.
there is not always signs, and if there are they may be ignored.
great work <3
I took some pills in August... Had to go to the ER and get my stomach pumped. I cry when i hear about others who have committed suicide because I know how it feels to feel so hopeless like you can't live one more day. It's scary and hard.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this post... =)
I don't ever want to feel that way again but if I do I'm glad I have someone to talk to. and If you ever feel like you need to talk, I'm here too.
As creepy as this will sound I completely and utterly adore and love you for this. You are like a hero to me and I don't even know you thank you
ReplyDeletethank u 4 this ,truly its enspiring i crave it constantly
ReplyDelete