I must have broken a mirror.

Aren't plateaus just awful? Broke my plateau at last, 104 lbs, not enough, I need to do this faster. 

Breaking a mirror gives you 7 years of bad luck, according to some superstition, but I try not to think about superstitions, because I'm superstitious about thinking about superstitions, strangely. 

My luck is so terrible sometimes, I'm partially convinced that some god out there is watching my life like a soap-opera, throwing in terrible surprises just for the fun of it. 

IT is attending the same summer program camp thing with me (ha what are the chances? 1/15, since there are 15 sites for this program). I thought he was out of my life a very long time ago, that I'd never see him again, pretend to myself that it never happened. I'm afraid, because I know he'll do it again. Just thinking about him makes me feel chills. It's like watching a horror movie, you know something awful is going to happen, can feel it, you yell at the characters grab a weapon, get out of the house, runrunrun, but there is nothing you can do to change it. 

I need to starve away myself, until there's nothing left that he can corrupt and hurt. 

Comment Replies:

Just Jessica- She's a incredibly thinspiration! An ana buddy would definitely be great in moments of weakness, I wonder if there's a specific website that matches people up with a fellow ana buddy. Thanks for commenting! :) 

Almost Alex- Strong and beautiful is the best combination. Thank you for your comment! :)

FeatherWeight- I'm sorry you've had a rough time lately, tomorrow is always a fresh start though! It's never too late to start working for what we crave. I'm glad that the post helped a bit. Don't worry, I'll get your comments out of the spam box. :) Thanks for the comment!

Meg- She seems isolated, even when she's with people. I envy her beyond anything. I love your comment, it's very beautifully written. A fragile body, fragile like thin ice, is what I crave, and you're right, it'll be ironic, because it will show incredibly self-control and strength. I will definitely quote you one day. Thank you so much for commenting! :)

Honor Regzig- People were worried and suspected her of not eating. Those recovery camps and feeding tubes are one of my worst nightmares, people trying to forcibly change a person's body to their perception of "healthy", it's terribly wrong. I agree, it makes me feel wanted if someone is worried. Thank you for commenting! :)

~christy~- She's doing fine, and looking as thin and beautiful as ever. I know you have the self-control to do it, all the struggles and the pain will be worth it in the end, because it's what we need. Thank you for commenting! :) 

S.- Thanks for the comment!

jackie- I love dizziness, it means I've been strong for the day. I hope you do another vlog sometime! Thank you for commenting! :)

Ana's Addict- I envy those girls incredibly. You already inspire me, one day you'll definitely be in thinspiration pictures, helping motivate others to achieve your level of self-control. Thank you for commenting! :)

Dani- Be careful please, I don't want you to fall and hit something hard! Congrats though, on your incredible self-control, keep it up! Thank you for commenting! :)

thin_thighs- I love reading your blog, I'm honored you and others take the time to comment. :) Don't worry, that's not creepy, it's hard not to stare at real life thinspo, I do the same thing, it's great she's motivating. Thank you so much for commenting!

Britni Marie- I'm sure you have the strength to do this, remember, you are in control of the food, the food doesn't control you. :) I repeat that to myself sometimes. Thanks for commenting!

SimplyHeather- I hope you had fun at the parties! Good luck on your fast, you'll do great! :) Thanks for the comment!