Tuesday, September 27, 2011

"darkness is drawn to darkness"

It lurks inside me, a black layer struggling to break through the surface. It attracts people with the same darkness inside. We size each other up while keeping ourselves contained inside neat little boxes, speaking carefully, hiding. Different issues, different nightmares, but blood is always the same deep red and our scars and wounds on the inside hurt the same.

I talk, trying to fill the empty space between us with words, any words, meaningless words and ones with so much unbearable emotions. And I wonder if it's too late to break through the wall between us. 

I am a huge 105 pounds now, gained 5 pounds since I started cross country.

His eyes are the shade of the sky on a perfect day, not the stormy unpredictable blue of J's eyes, not the sharp penetrating glare of his green eyes, nor H's dark brown eyes clouded with drugs. B calms me, makes me forget and live again. And I know he can give me a quiet kind of love, the kind that I need the most.

It's been about a month since I lasted posted here. It feels like years, I feel older. I'm happy, I really am. But I feel restless, I'm ready to return to my old lifestyle and live it harder and faster than before.

A thousand thanks to
Sam Lupin
desepaeree de maigrir
Wings to Set me Free
Judith Marie
for commenting. I've missed everyone, so much. I promise not to leave for so long again, unless I must. Lots of love. <3
And if I was a reader of your blog before my absence, I would appreciate it if you left a link to your blog in a comment, so I can catch up on your lives.