Sunday, May 22, 2011

"the chains of habit...

 are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken."

I deal with food in the same manner I handle life. Broken carefully into tiny pieces, easy to manage,  easy to analyze, taking as long as I wish. Bananas are sliced into thin, pale circles, granola bars are torn into tiny clumps, bread is turned to crumbs, cheerios are eaten one circular piece at a time. 

Finding the highest number of bites I can get out of a sandwich is a game. Devoting thirty minutes to eating a small green apple makes me wonder if I'm eating too fast. I have an insane urge to get a ruler and measure the dimensions of grilled chicken, draw lines on it and cut it into identical little cubes. 

There are no reasons or conscious thoughts behind my eating habits, they just happen.

Do you have particular eating habits?

Comment Replies: I truly appreciate everyone's insight. Thank you for taking the time to comment! 
TheJDawg01- Ha, I have terrible luck, so don't worry, I'll stay realistic. :) Thanks for commenting!
Thin or Not- Thank you so much! :) My motivation to go on comes from all of you guys. You made my day! It amazes me that you read through everything, thank you a million for your kind words. :) I'm glad you can relate to this, it's good to know that I'm not alone in my thoughts. I'm about to go and read your entire blog! Thank you so much for commenting!
~christy~- Yup, I was shocked because I thought I was sure to gain after eating that much. I think it's really cool how we have the same scale. Do you also want a digital one? Thanks for your comment!
ullalexie- Thank you for commenting! :) I'm excited, 7 more pounds until I'm 95 lbs.
ToxicwastEDgal- Thank you, I was really surprised when I lost 2 lbs after eating so much the previous day. Thank you for your kind words, your support truly means a lot to me. I hope you have a lovely day, you deserve it!
Haley- Sort of in a good way, I'll find out in three weeks. :) Thank you for commenting, I hope you have a lovely day!
Cinnamon Brown- I agree, calorie shifting is great, sort of like that saying "variety is the spice of life". I was really shocked though, I thought I would gain after eating that much. That's sweet, I'm glad they remind you of someone special also. I'm glad nothing high calorie such as cake or ice cream reminds me of J, otherwise I'd be eating those all day. Thank you for your comment! :)
annamaria- Thanks for your support! I can't seem to get enough of strawberries lately, I'm glad you like them too. :)
Dani- Thank you, I hope everything works out with J also!
Alex- Thank you! :) I'm very glad to see that you're back!
Ana's Addict- Thank you so much for your support! :) You truly brighten my day. I hope you have a lovely day also!


  1. I take everything apart. For example, if I'm eating a corn dog, I take the bread off and I peel the hot dog. If I'm eating chicken nuggets I peel the skin. I rarely eat things whole.

  2. I think I have a more of a non eating habit. If I'm craving something I'll keep drawing pictures of it so my not books are covered in drawing of ice-cream cones and burgers and fries.

  3. I like to make my sandwiches pretty with veggies and the meat staked nicely but in the end I always disect the whole thing and eat it ingredient by ingredient. The veggies so first, then the meat, then the bread. It's wierd.

    I can also never eat fruit whole. I have to cut it up into pieces, my teeth are too sensative to bite into cold fruit.

  4. My eating habits have definitely changed since I have gotten my ED.
    I no longer eat junk foods (no chocolate, candy, potato chips, etc.)
    Soda I will drink probably once a week now, and it HAS to be diet.
    I used to drink numerous cans/cups of diet soda A DAY.
    I like competing with myself to see if I can make servings of things within the 0-200 calorie range.
    If the serving goes over that calorie amount even slightly, I get anxious.
    I have to stay in between 500 to 800 calories a day.
    If I do not, I feel incredibly guilty.
    I cut my food up into tiny little bits now, when I used to shove food into my mouth whole.
    I go back and forth between the different foods on my plate, and I do not take more than a bite or two without drinking some liquid in between.
    Used to be that I would demolish a plate of food as fast as I could so I could eat more.
    Half the time I did not even focus on what I was eating.
    Now, I can eat much less and feel satisfied.
    And this is not exactly an eating habit, but I am finding that I am a compulsive exerciser now.
    Every time I eat food I consider "bad", I will do the same routine, because unless I do, all I can focus on is the calories turning to fat on my body.
    After I exercise, I feel the tightness in my muscles.
    Work well done.
    I am sure there are other ways I have changed, but I think they are ways only others can see.
    I hope you are having a good day! :D
    Hang in there and stay strong love. <3

  5. I'll seperate food into sections and eat it item by item, and peel things like bagels, eat the skin and throw the rest away, same with apples. When I was younger, I used to get a cupcake, cut the icing off, break the icing into about 50 tiny pieces and put it on the end of the garden wall, then get up on the wall, walk across to the end and back, then take a piece of icing and see if I could hold it in my mouth until I got back to the icing. I was only seven or eight, that was probably the start of my food issues.
    I love your blog, stay strong darling xx

  6. I have similar eating habits. I always eat very slowly, cut food into small slices, take tiny bites of these slices, chew them for a long time and usually count how many bites i've taken and for how long i've been eating. Once when i was eating biscuits with a few other girls they all were surprised that i finished eating only one biscuit by the time they were finishing the sixth or seventh biscuit :)

  7. I have to smell my food before I eat it. Not a tiny little sniff, but a big deep whiff of whatever I'm consuming. Even water. It's strange.

  8. Yesterday it took my 45 mintues to eat 8 crackers. Everything as to be spread out nothing can touch. I can't eating anything in odd numbers. It has to be in pairs or in groups of four. I have to put down the food while I chew. I have to use small forks and spoons. I have to eat on circle plates. They can't be white. And once I'm don't I push my food away at least an arms length away. Umm I have a lot more weird food habits. I thought I was the only one!

  9. I also take as many bites of whatever I'm eating as I can. It used to be because I was embarassed of taking big bites of sandwiches and burgers or whatever when I ate lunch at school, but now I just do it instinctively.

  10. Generally, if I have a set limit to eat, it's all junk food. Unless it's a 100 calories limit. I have yet to make that one junk.
    Also, if I can, I cut things into tiny pieces. Never really thought this was odd, but I also can't remember when I started.

  11. i wish i had your meticulous eating habits! well, not in the long run. that might be problematic to stop. (do be careful, my dear) it's so strange how food for girls like us is turned into something other than what it should be- nutrition. it's a game and an object and an obsession.

  12. my eating habbits have changed alot. before my ed i would eat soo much when we go out.. now if we go out to eat i dont eat or i cut it up so so so small and chew it alot but at home im a bit more relaxed with it

  13. i hate to bring it off, but hell yeah...
    I struggle to remind myself that food is my friend & won't hurt me if i eat healthy... i used to believe that big portions and 5 meals were my enemy but know i just have to stop that habit of mine and remind myself that fruits, vegetables and proteins are at my side of the battle against donouts, candies, and sweets... :S!

  14. Great title, Babe! It's so true! I had a 60-70 a day cigarette habit. Breaking that was HARD!!! Still, I did it and haven't lit up in 12 years!

    The body is an incredible machine. Take it from a former fatass, it takes way more than one 1500 calorie meal to gain. It's constant overloading of your system that does it. Doctors say to gain from a meal, it needs to be 3500 or more. Even then, it's hit and miss, the metabolism is always working! The only gain we experience is water retention and that passes quickly enough, than fuck!

    For my strange eating habits, check out this page:

    Have a great week! <3. XXX.

  15. I have rules for everything, but the strange part is they change all the time, but once it's set it's SET. I make conditions, I can't eat this unless it has that on it, I can't divide this up because I have to divide that up, blah. Other oddities- I can't have silverware touch my lips UGH it's awful, I scrape food off with my teeth. I can not finish a plate of food, even if I'm leaving just one bite behind I have to. This one I feel terrible about because my boy Sboog has started doing this, it leaves a pit in my stomach knowing I influenced that.

  16. I can never finish my food. No matter how big or small a meal is I just can't finish it. Also, I have to drink water inbetween bites; I don't like having the taste of food in my mouth when I'm not eating. For this same reason I have to brush my teeth or chew minty gum after a meal.

  17. my eating habits are weird the boy wont even let me eat a sandwhich nemore cause it drives me nuts cuase i cant eat a shandwhich together i just cantlike if i get a chicken sandwhich at a restrarant i will take one bit of it together and then just tear the thing apart cause i cant eat it all together he thinks im crazy.
    i break everyting up that i eat apples have to b cut a certain way bars have to b broekn apart so do bagels and bread i pretty much just take all my food apart lil peices lil bites and i cant finish nehting i have to leave at least one bite of everything i eaton my plate ive alwasy been that way its like ingraned in my head im weird

  18. aside from the fact that I'm completely obsessed with calories and literally fears eating anything that I dont know the number of calories in it? yea i pick at my food till its the size of bird feed, anytime I eat, I eat around people so no one is suspicious and I'll throw food out into the woods when my parents are gone and I'll say Ii ate it all. oh! I'll aslo sit in from of a full plate of food and just watch it trying to get stronger at saying no to food....haha

  19. I can't eat anything that I don't know the numerical caloric value of. I have to research it first (fruits or vegies) before I decide if I can eat it. I refuse to eat take out food unless there is a nutritional guide information right there. I am extremely paranoid about other people making/touching my food. I insist that they are pouring oil onto it or lying saying it has less calories than it does so that I will eat it.
    I cut up all my food into tiny peices and usually set a number, say 5 mins. letting myself have one ever 5 minutes and testing myself to see how long I can keep it in my mouth for.
    I can only use baby sized plates/forks/spoons
    I can't let the utensil touch my teeth
    Throughout the day I usually come up with different rules, for instance, I'm not allowed to eat that until I finish this entire water bottle, or it's X:XX which ever comes last. I constantly test myself with different rules.
    You arent the only one!!

  20. I have had several eating habits that people consider strange, but i was totally unaware until a friend pointed this out.

    -pb & and toast must be cut into 4 peices
    -jam & toast must be cut vertically into 2 pieces
    -cheez whiz & toast must stay as one piece
    -any colored candy such as skittles or fruit snacks must color coordinated into groups and i eat each group one at a time, always starting with yellow, then orange, then green, then red. If there is blue then blue goes into the greens spot.
    -i cant bite into a sandwich it must be torn into pieces.
    -i cant eat anything off its core, corn on the cob must be scraped off the cob, apples must be cut into pieces.
    -when i eat honeycomb cereal i have to eat the biggest ones first, save the small ones for last.
    -when i eat lucky charms i eat all the cereal first, and then eat the marshmallow pieces last.

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  22. I have a food scale and I weigh everything I eat. I look online and figure out exactly how many calories a food has per gram. Oil, for example, has 8.5 calories per gram. Spinach has .14 calories per gram. Etc etc. I feel insecure when I have to guess at the size of an apple and guess how many calories are in it. I recommend that everyone (with an ED)buys a food scale.

  23. My favorite snack is an apple cut into slivers. Then each sliver is nibbled upon. It takes forever to eat and keeps my hands busy.

  24. cheese must be peeled away from anything! yogurt is the only milk exception (no milkfat,no fat in it)
    everything must be chewed slowly or at lightning speed (eating is a shamelful habit)
    no sodas or juice that isn't orange juice
    gum counts as a food
    a banana a meal


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