How is everyone doing in the competition? I'd love to hear your progress! I hope everyone is doing well and staying motivated! We're still about 22 days away from the end of the competition, June 10th!
It's a beautiful day today, it really is.
I'm truly alive, for what feels like the first time. I've been existing, not living, for as long as I can remember. Mere existence is sad, lonely, being a rock living next to a rose. I've pulled myself out of the depths of the past, away from the memories that once felt more real than the present. I'm finally here where I belong. I don't know how long I'll stay here, but I'm very excited about my life, my friends, my future, I'm excited to finally live.
Ana's Addict-I agree, I'm not completely broken either. I hope I never get forced into recovery, I want it to be my own choice if one day I ever decide I'd like to "recover", (I can't imagine myself wanting that). Thanks for commenting! :)
kes- I have no idea how much recovery costs, how much is it? You're right, a facility is a controlled environment, and any progress might fade away once a person is back in the "real world", with all the other pressures of life. I hope that your depression has gone away, if you need anything, I'm here to listen. I'm not ready to change yet either, maybe one day we will, but I think that day is a very long time away, for me at least. I hope you have a lovely day!
Dani- I'm really sorry to hear about your relapses, I hope that you find your way towards either recovery or continue down this path, whichever you are working towards. I don't think I would be able to leave this part of me behind ever. Recovery sounds like a struggle, I honestly can't imagine what it's like. Thank you for your insight!
GraceyJ- Yup, I agree, mental issues are just as important as physical issues. I'm glad you're okay. :) I hope you have a great day, you deserve it!
Wings to Set me Free- I wish you luck in recovery when you decide to recover, I'm positive you have the strength to go through with it. Sometimes I wonder if many of us will, one day in the distant future, choose recovery. Thank you for commenting!
Cinnamon Brown- "The need for recovery should be based on the state of the mind more than the body", you're completely right, thank you for reminding me of this! I also love what you said about depression being a natural response to a chaotic world. Sometimes I wonder if anyone can see that this world we live in is just so wrong, but the people around me never openly question the insanity of it. I admire your control over your life, you seem very determined! Thank you for your insight, you always have interesting things to say! :)
Lucy's Shadow- Sometimes I feel as if "recovery" will kill a huge part of me and leave me with emptiness, I loved what you said about recovery being the death of the brain. Good luck, stay beautiful!
Thin Thrills- I wonder if sometimes I actually have a relatively healthy mental state, and the people around me are a little insane. Thank you for commenting! :)
when_in_rome- Your comment made my entire day, thank you thank you thank you! You're so sweet, I'm really happy to hear you've read every post. I checked out your blog, I really enjoyed reading it and I will definitely keep up with it. :) Love your username by the way! I agree, it makes me so sad when bloggers stop blogging without a warning, I always wonder where they have gone. I hope to keep writing for a very long time, forever until an obstacle gets in the way, such as forced recovery. Thank you so much for your kind words, I hope you have a lovely day!
Just Jessica- I can relate to what you said about refusing to talk to a stranger who has never gone through or experienced an eating disorder, how can they help us "recover" if they don't know what we've been through? I know you have the strength to reach your goals and keep it all under control. Good luck, stay beautiful!
Thin or Not- I can't imagine how awful I would feel if I had someone forcing me to eat, the word "recovery" saddens me (though I fully support people who choose recovery). Thank you for commenting!
alice ana- Thank you so much, you're so kind! :) I admire you extremely for being in the double digits, your control is truly inspiring. I feel the same way about recovery, I refuse to lose my identity just because it interferes with someone else's perception of "healthy". Thank you for commenting!
~christy~ - "you also can't fix what's broken beyond repair", I love what you said, it is so true. I think to truly recover, someone has to want it, and want to leave their disorder behind, and even then, I've heard it is very difficult. "Eating disorder help to distract me from the problems I couldn't solve," I might quote you one day! I'm glad you have a goal now, we all need something to believe in and strive for. Good luck, I'm positive that you will accomplish your goal!
unbeautiful- You're right, mentality issues are as urgent as physical issues, and possibly more important, because the physical issues are a result of the mentality of an eating disorder. I hope everything is okay and that you either recover or a different goal, whichever you currently want.
thin and bones- I also wish people would care, but I would do anything possible to hide my disorder. I care about you, this community cares about you, we'll always be here for you. I am also afraid of being watched and observed, recovery sounds terrifying to me. I wish you luck in reaching your goals! Thank you for commenting, and thank you for complimenting my writing, you're so sweet. :)
time to pretend- I've never actually seen anybody who has gone through recovery. It's nice to hear that they are now stronger and happier, maybe one day in the far future, I will envy that freedom and choose to leave this life behind. I wish you luck in whichever goal you choose to strive for, you have incredible strength to accomplish whatever you want!
anaxoforever416- Thank you for reminding me that this lifestyle does make me relatively happy or content, I shouldn't dwell on the negative. I'm glad that you are happy, I hope you have a lovely day! :)
jackie- I'm incredibly glad that you are back, I've missed you a lot, even though it has been like a day or two days! I hope that everything is okay, and that you either recover or continue your lifestyle, whichever you currently want. :)
Moonlight Mistress- It's nice to know that you feel the same way, it's scary to feel alone in my thoughts. Thanks for commenting! :)