Monday, May 30, 2011

"I don't belong here, we gotta move on dear"

I think I preferred a numb existence, the rawness of being alive is painful, overwhelming. My mind is a thesaurus of awful feelings.

The lights are off, I don't like seeing the salty mascara tears.

Isn't it ironic, being at my lowest weight, while being at the lowest point of my life.

Trying to be strong has broken me down. I'm a Bad Person, I don't deserve happiness, food, friends, love. I deserved what It did to me, I deserve my mother's hatred, I deserve to starve away this terrible person that I am.

I realized, I don't belong here in this life.


  1. You are not a terrible person. You are a wonderful person and you are beautiful! If you ever need someone to talk to you can email me. My email is listed on my blog. Cheer up and be happy! We love you!

  2. oh dear :( i hope you feel better, i want nothing more. you're a beautiful human being and you deserve to feel on top of the world

  3. Oh darling, I just want to give you a hug. Don't let your mother get to you. Don't give her that power.

  4. No no no you don't deserve any of that. You deserve to be happy in your own skin and in your life. Don't give up on it xx

  5. what does she know? any1 who isn't like this DOESN'T KNOW a thing! * hugs and kisses * u deserve 2 b celebrated 100lb is an amazing accomplishment ,email me if u need a buddy or some1 2 tlk 2 . Just remember theres a whole universe of dragonflies here w/ u XOXO <3s and butterflies -echo

  6. you are not a terrible person dear, you're just having one of these bad bad days..
    just make yourself feel a little better and sleep a while if you can. WE ARE HERE FOR YOU*

  7. hey babe keep your head up! we are all here for you whenever you need someone, feel free to contact me at any time!!
    you know you deserve happiness, deep down. don't EVER let anyone tell you otherwise.
    Love Always,
    Ana's Angel xo

  8. exactly, we are all here for you, all of us. you have provided kindness, love, respect, and support to not only me but to everyone here who needs it. we'd all do the same for you. you're an amazing person, i've never had the privilege to meet you, but i wish i could. keep your head up, above the mirrors, above the voices in your head, just for a day. stay strong, loves ox

  9. I wish I knew how to help you feel better. I'm feeling horrible too. Keep fighting and don't give up. I'll be fighting for happiness with you.

  10. You do belong here!! Look at all the comments you get - isn't that evidence? People care and I'm sure it's just the drop of serotonin in your brain that makes you feel worse. Chemical imbalance. Hope you feel better soon - be super strong...find tiny things in life to enjoy and build up to bigger things.
    You have life. :)

  11. o hunny u are not a terrible person not at all u are a great person an amazing person and im sorryt hat ur feeling down right now and trust me i have been there and its hard to get out of it its like everything spirals out of control all at once and u have no control over nething but eventually sometihng snaps and it snaps u back with me it was the boy begging me 2 years ago and now he lost hes brother and its nsapping me again
    being with this disease is hard it fucks everything up ur mind ur body ur relationships but dont give up and dont say that u are a terrible person cause i dont beleive that one bit

  12. You don't deserve any of that, you're not a bad person! You're a wonderful and amazing person! you deserve happiness! Don't listen to those who tell you otherwise.
    We all support you and we're here for you. Stay strong ♥

  13. Like everyone has said, do not listen to your mother. Mom's can have the worst affect on us, and the worst thing we can do is actually listen to them. My mom is insane, too, and I'll never be perfect enough for her. But you shouldn't give a fuck if you're ever perfect enough for her, because all you need to be perfect enough for is YOURSELF.

  14. You really can't listen to your mom because she has no idea how you feel. My mom reminds me constantly how 'I ruined her life' because of what I am doing and she resents me for it. Parents naturally expect you to be perfectly happy, successful, and perfect, so they can't understand how you could possibly be unhappy. If you can be strong, you will get through it, and you can learn to ignore your mother's caustic comments.

  15. Relationships with mothers always seem to be difficult. But that doesn't define you. You are not a terrible person. You'll find your place in life :)

  16. Oh, my love.
    You are not a terrible person, not at all!
    And you certainly belong here.
    Not only that, but you deserve to have wonderful, amazing things happen to you.
    You are a spectacular person.
    Much better than I could ever hope to be some days.
    I hope that you can find the strength within yourself to keep your head up high and to fight through this.
    You are so strong.
    I will be praying for you.
    Much love and strength always.
    Hang in there. <3

  17. Hey... Don't talk like that. You are a beautiful young woman and you have so much ahead of you! Parents always cause problems as you are growing up... You just have to tune it out and be strong. And if there's anyone who can be strong, it's you!

  18. You do deserve to have this life. You are a wonderfull, caring, and hard working person. You inspire so many people. Don't think for a moment that you aren't good enough for anything. Darling, you absolutly deserve every happiness, joyfull moment and smile this life has to offer.

  19. Just to let you know, the salt water cleanse didn't work.


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