Wednesday, June 1, 2011

transparent girls, like walking x-rays

Like an archaeologist, I want to uncover all these bones one by one, buried in a sea of dirt. Bones are truth, covered by lies.

 My skeleton is the framework, the structure of myself. Bones represent death for some, I think of them as life. Feeling my hipbones, my ribs, my collarbones, reassures me that I am alive.

Bones seem fragile, yet they are strong and powerful, like the transparent girls that show their skeletons like walking x-rays. I'll reveal these beautiful bones, so finally, I can truly see myself.

Comment Replies: I've been crying off and on today and yesterday, but your comments moved me to tears, of happiness, and I hope those will be the last tears I cry for a very long time. Thank you, I love you all.
Thin or Not- Thank you incredibly, you are so sweet! Knowing that you're only an email away if I need someone to talk to truly comforts me.
Skinny Little Me- Your support truly means the world to me, thank you so much for you kind words!
Wings to Set me Free- Thank you so much, I really do need a hug right now. You're right, I won't give my mother that power in the future.
AJ- You're really kind, thank you so much for making me feel a lot better.
CAliChica- Thank you very much for your support! You have no idea how much better I feel knowing that I'm only an email away from a fellow caring ana.
annamaria- Your advice really worked, I slept for 10 hours straight and I felt amazing in the morning. Thank you so much!
when_in_rome- Thank you very much, you're so sweet. You really brightened my day, I hope you have a lovely day as well!
alice ana- "Keep your head up, above the mirrors, above the voices in your head, just for a day." Beautifully written, I needed that! I wish the world had more people like you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. <3
Britni Marie- Thank you so much for your support, it means a lot to me! I hope you feel better also, let's fight for happiness together.
Hilly.M- I hope the chemical imbalance goes away soon! Thank you very much for all of your support, it truly means a lot to me.
Dani- I'm really glad that you understand about feeling like you've lost control over everything in life, it reminds me that I'm not alone in this, we're all struggling and fighting for what our hearts want in this life. I really hope everything turns out okay with the guy! Thank you incredibly for your kind words, I'm glad people like you exist in this world.
~christy~- You're so nice, you've made me feel much much happier today! Thank you so much for your support!
Gianni- I was sitting here reading your comment, and the realization hit me hard, you are completely right, all I need is to be perfect enough for MYSELF, I need to stop attempting to live up to my mother's impossible standards. Thank you thank you thank you, you've given me this incredible revelation, you truly have made my life brighter and better.
Marie- I'm really sorry that your mother said those things, you don't deserve that! I agree, parents seem to expect a perfect child, they seem to forget that we're human also. Thank you so much for your support!
Bones- I agree, it seems like many people have difficult relationships with their mothers, I wonder why. Thank you incredibly for your support!
Ana's Addict- Your comment made me smile, you are an amazing person, I hope to be like you one day. You remind me that I'm not alone in this struggle, the world needs more people like you. I truly appreciate your support, thank you so much!
TheJDawg01- Yup mine definitely caused problems in my childhood, she sent me away for a year or two when I was a few months old, because she didn't want me. Thank you so much for your support!
Mia- You're incredibly sweet, thank you so much for your encouraging words! You made my day much much better, I truly appreciate your support!


  1. I can relate to wanting to see bone.
    And yes, bone does equate to death for some.
    But it is what we strive for.
    This was so poetic.
    I am so glad to know that I can help you feel not so alone.
    Your comment moved me to tears.
    I promise, I will not let you down.
    You are just as amazing as I am, and I hope that one day, you can see that.
    Thank you. <3

  2. Bones are absolutely beautiful. I've always been obsessed with the human body, so physically and medically I have always found bones to be such amazing things.

    And you're welcome. Anything to help a supportive friend. :) I know we don't know each other, but we feel the same pain. And that makes us connected.

  3. Bones are interesting things. They're my safety net.

  4. I really enjoyed this post. You are a creative writer :)

  5. exsactly! u get it ! ur an insperation thnx 4 the blog

  6. Well, hippos are vicious buggers, no wonder you cried! Ellies, on the other hand are the sweetest things. I spent an afternoon with a herd of elephants that live in the Knysna forest and I was blown away by how affectionate and gentle they are! There's nothing quite as awesome as being hugged by an ellie! I want one!

    I feel the same way about bones. I get very excited when mine start to show! The more the merrier, in my opinion! <3. XXX.

  7. It's so true :)
    I feel like that about bones as well. They're beautiful!

  8. I am fascinated by bones. I like to look at them and gently touch my own, but I have a major complex about anyone touching my collarbone or my wrists. My BF taps it sometimes and it just freaks me out. The more my bones show, the more protective I get of them... xx

  9. i agree with the bones. i feel i'm not living my life to the fullest when i don't feel good, when i don't feel bone. i love my hipbones. but i feel they're getting covered, before they were pretty good, now they're less apparent.. and oh i can't wait til my ribs show, just a little, then i'll know i'm close.
    and i almost cried reading your reply.. i feel i've lost connections within my shrinking circle of friends, and it means a lot that i still affect people that way. i seriously want to meet you in real life ahah it would be great <3

  10. always here for u hun u can eamil me netime to vent or rant or to just talk to get ur mind off of everything im alwasy here hun
    and yes i wanna c bones too the are pure and inncoent they are strong but fragile have to c thema ll

  11. I agree completely. I love my bones. To me, they represent success. That, for once in my life, I'm doing something right. I hope you're doing well, darling.

  12. Hmm. Yes. I'm obsessed with uncovering my bones.

  13. I agree with you, showing bones makes a statement...even about one's character.
    I love bones but I know most people think we're sick for even thinking it.

    P.S I love your background. It's very delicate.

  14. I love the way you write; it's so beautiful yet sad. You remind me a bit of Lia from Wintergirls in the way you write. :)

    I love bones too. The more I uncover them, the more I want. When they are hidden I know it is because I am fat. When I can see them without twisting a certain way or breathing in, then I will have succeeded in my goals.

    This is the first time in my life since being a child that I have seen them- it's exciting for me and luckily, my boyfriend likes bones too and isn't repulsed by them like I know people can be :) xx

  15. I love reading your posts, the way you write is so beautiful(:


Don't be shy, leave a comment. :) I'd love to hear your thoughts!