If you are in recovery, please do not read!
Blog name change, by the way.
In all honesty, "recovery" terrifies me. I want to keep my perception, my thoughts, they're mine, my identity. I'm afraid they will strip away, erase me and rebuild me from a normal-sized mold and fill me with artificial happiness and sweetners, stuff in fake clean, safe thoughts, and cut and shape me to their perception of "healthy".
I want to keep, I hate this disorder. It makes my life stable, it destroys it. I crave the control, yet I'm falling apart. Help me, go away. One day, I'll make up my mind.
I fully support you if you choose to recover and leave your eating disorder behind and congratulate you on making a healthy choice.
Would you consider recovery or not?
Comment Replies: Thank you all for commenting! I hope everyone is doing well in the competition! :) Stay strong, it'll be worth it!
amber-angelxo- Thank you, you're so sweet. :) I combat those hopeless depressing moods by lying in bed, watching a movie, exercising, hanging with a friend, and waiting for something good to happen. Not a very good game plan, but it usually keeps me sane. I hope you have a lovely day!
JT- Awh thank you so much, you're too kind. :) Have an amazing day!
Olivia Lee- I'm incredibly glad you've gotten better. That's a truly inspiring story. It reminds me also that I haven't seen the full moon in a while, ever since last summer, I will make sure to really look at it the next time I'm outside at night. It saddens me when I can't see the stars some nights. You're absolutely right, you do deserve life and always will! :)
thin_thighs- I'm really happy that things with your boyfriend have improved. You're right, this week is a fresh start! Weigh-ins for the competition are on Friday, but feel free to update on your progress whenever you'd like. :) Thank you very much for the comment and kind words!
Aly- I'm so glad that you never followed through, I'm happy you're here today. :) I hope that everything has gotten better since then, if you need someone to listen, this community will always be here for you. Thanks for commenting!
Dani- It makes me very glad that you had the strength to get through the rough times. I agree, there's always something that gives us the will to live. Thank you for commenting!
thinlypure- I'm really sorry to hear about your overdose. I'm happy to hear that you've gotten through it and are alive and well. :) Thanks for commenting! Stay strong!
GraceyJ- I really hope you're okay! We're all here if you need anything.
~christy~ I'm so glad that the attempt didn't succeed, I'm happy that you got through it and I'm glad that you're here today. :) You're right, things will get better and you do have a reason for living. I admire your strength to go on. If you need someone to listen, I'll be here for you. Stay beautiful!
TheJDawg01- I'm really sorry to hear about that. That's really sweet of you to say, thank you. I hope you have a nice day! :)
Just Jessica- Thank you, you're too sweet. :) Have a lovely day, you deserve it!
unbeautiful- I'm sorry that you suffer from suicidal thoughts, I hope everything gets better soon for you. Please stay safe, we're all here for you if you need anything. We care so much about you, always remember that!
Bones- I'm happy to hear that it helped a little. I hope that you stay safe and that you have a beautiful day! :)
Neeska- I honestly teared up at your comment, you made my day, you're so incredibly sweet. I would also lose a piece of myself if you ever disappeared, so please don't ever disappear. :) I'm sorry to hear that you've had thoughts about death, but I'm glad that you're better now. :) I agree, life is definitely worth living, especially for the beautiful people who light up others' hearts with kindness and love, people like you, people like the lovely members of this community. I hope you have an amazing day!
Caro- Thank you so much, your comment was really sweet. I'm incredibly glad that you have had the strength to get through the rough times, I'm honestly happy that things have gotten better for you. If you ever need anything, I'm an email away. You're an incredible, beautiful person, and I hope you always remember that.
Mia- Thank you so much, I agree, everyone deserves to be loved and cared for. Stay beautiful!
ElliePerfection- You're really sweet, thank you so much for your kind words. I hope you have an amazing day, you deserve it! :)
Ana's Addict- I'm glad that you've gotten through your suicidal thoughts. Thank you for promising, the world needs amazing people like you. Thank you for your sweet words, stay strong, stay beautiful! :)
jellyworms- One day, I hope to save someone's life, because then my life will have had a purpose. I'm truly sorry to hear about that, it must have been very difficult for you. I hope you're okay, stay strong and stay beautiful.
Britni Marie- I'm really sorry to hear about your experience, I'm very glad you got through it. I'm glad you don't feel that way anymore. Thank you, it's sweet knowing I can talk to you if I need it. :)