Sunday, December 25, 2011

dear Santa

His hands are fire, but the freezing picnic table sends shivers through my body, a bed surrounded by curtains of trees. We lie facing the sky above, the stars become a thousand iridescent strands of Christmas lights. Listening to the sounds of silence, I breathe in and out, almost motionlessly, to preserve this delicate moment, fragile and fleeting like a snowflake captured. My fears, hate, sadness, have left, replaced by pure innocent happiness and the world is everything I used to believe in.

I remember my misspelled letters to Santa, wanting dogs ponies everything, thinking that the white bearded man could make all my wishes come true. I am still young, and this year, this Christmas, is the first time I've truly reflected on what this holiday means to me, to others, to society. I've realized material possessions bring me momentary, fleeting happiness, but other more permanent things have continuously brought me joy throughout my life.

Friendship. Love. Health. Laughter. Passionate kisses. Gratitude. Intertwined hands. Rain and sunshine. Dreams during long hours of sleep. If only they could all be wrapped in shining gold paper and tape, hidden under the branches of the tree, and opened every day, each morning, for the rest of our lives. And maybe it's possible. Anything is within our reach, if our determination, will power is strong enough.

My letter to Santa would be white and unwritten this year, I'm not sure of what I truly want, think, feel anymore, but I trust in wherever this life leads me, even if the stars are black some nights.

Merry Christmas, I hope each one of you has had an amazing day. Stay positive, stay lovely, stay you. Never forget you are loved, because you are, I promise.
Thanks for commenting. <3
becca;- Thank you for your support dear.
stillimagining- I wish I had taken a picture when I used to be a size 2, I'll make sure I take one now. Thank you for the advice!
miss alisha- Your insight is always so thoughtful, thank you.
Anafly- I genuinely smiled when I read your comment.
Neeska- Reflections are a tricky thing, aren't they? I hope you have a lovely day!
Anonymous- I'm not sure at the moment, I'll elaborate in my next post perhaps, I wish I had a more definite answer to give you. I hope you are happy too, we all deserve to be.
Oceanic Melody73- Thank you so much for your support, I hope you've had an amazing day.
Chloe- Thank you bunches for the reassurance.
Judith Marie- You make me feel good, happy, proud of myself. Thank you for your encouragement, you are an amazing person, never forget.
Lucy's Shadow- Hugs! My wrist is fixed now, thank you for your concern.
Sam Lupin- I've missed your words, they remind me of the ocean.
Little Miss Thin <3- I hope I get a more accurate scale soon. Thank you for your comment!
Depressed Skinny Mess- I hope you have a lovely day, thank you for your support.
xXzapxfireXx- I can't wait to weigh myself more accurately, I hope you have an amazing day.
Olivia Lee- Thank you, I hope I can write as beautifully and well as you, one day.
AVY- Thank you for your comment.
Elle Marie- You are more amazing.
lulu- You will reach your goals, anything is possible, and your goals are within your reach.
Silvia- A thousand thanks for making me smile.
Zoie- I send my love also, thank you.
Princess Perfection- I've missed you tons, I'm ecstatic you're back dear.


  1. Your writing is like poetry.
    It makes me smile.
    You are such an amazing person and I am so very blessed to know you. :)
    Those in your real life are the lucky ones, by far.
    I hope they realize what a gem they truly have in you.
    I hope you had a wonderful Christmas.
    Stay positive, stay beautiful. <3

  2. I always love reading your posts.. and this is particularly expressive. No one will ever give me what I truly want and need. None of those things fit in a box. I hope that your christmas was lovely, and that you found some of that permanent happiness. xx

  3. A letter to Santa is a hard chore for me. The material things that family and friends want to get me simply do not interest me. I think we might be on the same page. I hope you've gotten some of that happiness to carry into the new year. Happy holiday. Stay your lovely self xx -OceanicMelody73

  4. That sounds like a wonderful moment.
    I hope your holiday was all you wanted.


  5. baby, you'll make me cry one day.
    because when my world is crashing with anxiety, you will always be there to pick me up and sing lullabies to my ears until all disappears and nothing is left but a promise of sunshine on a cloudy day.
    if only i can capture these words onto paint, and ship them to you in a box, then i'd be satisfied with my life. and if only i can cut myself into pieces and glue myself back together in the shape of my adoration of you.
    if the stars are not visible, they still always there, a small whisper, never ready to truly leave you. <3
    i've missed you. you remind me of the colour navy, thick sweaters and long nights staring at the night in the cold soft wind.

    the world is ours.
    -Sam Lupin

  6. You write so beautifully, you're one of the bloggers I missed the most. and you're right about Christmas, material possessions are nothing compared to what we can have for free
    Stay lovely, C xx

  7. It sounds like you know exactly what the true meaning of Christmas is that so many have forgotten. I love this, I hope you had a wonderful Christmas. xx

  8. Your one of the most poetic beautiful person i know :) I hope you had a lovely Christmas xx

  9. If you go where life leads you, you'll soon find what you're looking for, even if don't know what you're looking for yet.

    I hope you had a wonderful Christmas <3
    Stay lovely ♥

  10. Another amazing post my dear! I've missed you so much! It sounds like life is going better for you and I'm glad of that. I hope your wrist is okay after you broke it!
    I absolutely love that things are going the way they should be for you. You are such a wonderful person, so caring, it comes through in your writing. Remember, you continue to be an inspiration to me!

  11. This is a pretty post! If that makes sense? ....
    Um, I was wondering if I could be added to ur list on "A Thousand Voices"
    Blog: "My Unofficial, Self-Diagnosed Life of Disorders"

  12. Loved your blog!

    Following you now!!


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