a lost dream of what could have been

We dream of becoming the pictures of thinspiration that we spend hours staring at. We dream of becoming gorgeously thin, with tiny perfect arms and legs, with sticking out ribs and collarbones. We dream of having complete self-control, of saying "No thank you" to every food forced upon us, saying "Yes please" to skinny in our minds. We dream of attaining perfection. We desire it, we crave it. But we're not just dreamers....... we give everything for our dreams. We starve, we purge, we run until we're feeling faint and weak and tired. We spend every minute, every hour, every day working towards our dream. Because we need to become our dreams. It's what we're meant to be.

I had low-fat yogurt for lunch today (100 calories). I was planning on having some bread (100 calories) for dinner, but then my parents cooked pasta. Freaking PASTA. no. no. no. NO. I don't even want to think about how many calories were in that ungodly creation. I'm sorry. What would Ana have done? was running through my head the entire time I forced those calories down my throat. I'm a failure. I should have faked a stomach flu. I should have thrown the pasta out the window. I should have went into a coma. I should have done something. 

But there's good news! :) I think I'm about to be 107 pounds!! The needle on the scale is hovering between 107 and 108. Let's hope the pasta doesn't interfere with reaching 107.


This calculator is sooo useful!

http://www.healthstatus.com/calculate/cbc    

Great for calculating how many calories you burn doing activities, such as brushing your teeth, playing tennis, walking, etc.