Saturday, July 23, 2011

the city never sleeps

Covered in darkness, they walk by, their faces illuminated by the bright shop windows and glowing signs. The feeling of the damp, freshly rained-on streets through my sandals as I walk quickly over the stone ground, shadowed by the constant nightmare of an eating disordered mind, trying to get away. Away from the mistakes in the past and the ones I choose now, away from the overwhelmingness of life.

It has been said that the city never sleeps, but it seems to be in that semi-conscious state, between the oblivion of sleep and the awareness of being alive and awake. Above me, a thousand squares of light, belonging to a thousand lives that I wish I knew. The city is strangely quiet, peaceful, tonight. It feels intimate, raw, intensely lonely; like the woman who stands before the bathroom mirror at night, eyeshadow and tears washed away. She stares, unseeing, at the blankness of the ceiling and walls as she lays awake, searching for the strength to carry on, searching for something that will fill the emptiness inside.

Even in the blackness of night, there is light and beauty and life. Just as we can depend on the first rays of sunshine each day, we can depend on the smiles and happiness of a brighter future.

Thank you to kes, AVY, AJ, Olivia Lee, S., Britni Marie, Princess Perfection, Ellaveigh, Kat not Jas, EmptyShell, alice ana, Dani, Dirk Gently,, SkinnyLittleMe, Little Miss Thin, Grace, RaeLynn, Almost Alex, Catharina, and Meg for all of your love and support when I needed it the most. It meant the world to me to know that someone cared.


  1. This is beautiful in that sad way to me, especially those last few lines :) I hope you're feeling better xx

  2. love this. you are such a great writer. I've been missing you (and these things you write) while I was away, dear.

    I saw the cutest pair of little shorts that I could never wear in a million years and I thought of you.

    hope you're feeling better. your last few posts that I went back to read were really sad. it didn't feel like you. I hope you get your spark back soon.

  3. This is beautiful, truly. Sending you positives constantly - you can get through, and you will find the light daily :) We are here for you no matter what circumstance. Know that you are appreciated, and that you inspire.
    Keep it up! yOu can do this!

  4. This is really quite amazing! You are a very talented writer.

  5. Your writing is exceptionally beautiful. It's true, there's always hope for a better tomorrow. Sometimes that hope is all we have, but even just a small amount of it can be enough to get us through. Stay strong.

  6. love it. hope your tomorrow is better <3 xx

  7. Once again you written amazingly i love how intriguing this is..hope ypur well hun xx

  8. I love you! :D
    This post was exquisite.
    Beautifully written, as always!
    I hope things have begun to turn around for you; I hated seeing you in the state you were before.
    It was so sad. :(
    Hang in there, girl.
    Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

  9. although I haven't blogged in forever, I check in on yours from time to time. I saw your previous post about suicide, and I pray that you are doing better now. You are far too beautiful (I know that you are, even if I can't see you!) and talented and amazing to ever take your own life. That being said, you are an extremely talented writer. You should use your talent to help other girls dealing with similar things :)

    Hang in there lovely! You can get past all this, many others have and you definitely can too! You are much stronger than you think, I promise you that! Much love, keep yourself safe!

  10. so glad that you are feeling better and are able to find hope. you were certainly right to compare it to rays of sunshine - i find that everything is so much better with the sun dancing in the sky


  11. this is beautiful, i hope that you're feeling a bit more positive. hope is always there, sometimes we're just looking in the wrong places. stay strong, xo.

  12. I'm so glad you are okay(:
    beautiful post as always!

  13. About the ChaCha guide thing, they don't send the questions to your phone. You just have to have the Firefox browser. You log on and then you answer questions that are send to you. It's really easy.

    Your post was beautiful. I'm sending positive vibes your way - you'll find the light. <3

  14. that is so beautiful
    ive really missed reading ur posts
    im so glad to be back :)


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