Tuesday, June 21, 2011

"Shhh," she said. "I'm sleeping."

"Just like that. From a hundred miles an hour to asleep in a nanosecond. I wanted to so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not even have sex. Just sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane." 
I wonder, if I ever will be that alive, the type of aliveness that surrounds the truly living and wakes up those around them. An eating disorder kills, is there enough room in my mind, my body for being alive? Could I live and be reckless and wild, with emotions and feelings, and be fascinating and intriguing, while slowly dying?

I can have both, I believe.

(I am still away, this post was pre-written and scheduled to be posted, so I won't be able to do comment replies, I'm sorry.) 

10 comments:

  1. I think you are endlessly fascinating and intriguing. So no worries there.

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  2. Hi! Hope you're still having fun on your trip.

    You are neither drizzle, nor hurricane. I think you're the life-giving dew drops on a spider's web. Light, delicate and world of beaty and intrigue, all on your own!

    http://ronhullauthor.com/poems/Spider_web_with_dew_drops.jpg

    Perfection! Missing you! <3. XXX.

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  3. Looking For Alaska. <3 Literally my favorite paragraph in the entire book.

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  4. That's one of my favorite books in the entire world <3

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  5. i just love these quotes that u find

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  6. You can have whatever it is that your heart desires, love.

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  7. When an eating disorder kills you inside, someone or something has to bring you back to life. Find your fire and come back. xx

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  8. The way you write is amazing you capture your thoughts and perfectly turn it into writing, i think only a person trully alive can appreciate words as you do...Your Blog Is The Best..Hope All Is Well & Your Enjoyin Your Trip :) x

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  9. What book exert is this from?

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  10. To that anon who asked what book its from "Looking for Alaska" by John Green

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Don't be shy, leave a comment. :) I'd love to hear your thoughts!