Sunday, April 17, 2011

full of insanity

I can feel the weakness inside me, it's growing stronger, getting bigger. I'm so tired, there's no energy left in me. My body feels dead but my mind is more alive than ever. Delirious thoughts rip through me and emotions overflow from a too small cup. Why isn't my mind shutting down. I want to yell, to scream, but my throat is painfully sore and raw. I'm anger desperation loneliness sadness hate fear panic depression exhaustion all rolled up and molded into one messy single emotion. I'm pathetic. Help me I want someone with me, someone to sit with me while I cry, someone to hand me tissues and pat my back and lie and say "Everything's alright." I don't want anyone near me, to see me like this. My insanity must stay hidden, nobody can see it, it's not real if I can't see it, if I don't acknowledge it, if they don't know. I want to stay hidden, I'm not meant for this world, it's overwhelming. I'm crazy, crazy, insane. I'm a mess. It's one of those days.

How are you guys feeling today? Have you ever felt literally insane? How do you deal with it?

Comment Replies: Sorry, I'm a bit messed up today, I'll try to reply to everyone in my normal manner. 
EWC- Thank you so much for your comment! :)Yup, it's always nice to be reminded that not everyone sucks. 
Unknown- I think it's very cool that you were in a film! May I have your autograph? :) That's so sweet of the people who offered help to you. Thank you for commenting, sorry that this post is negative, usually I try to add in some positivity! 
Ana's Addict- It's not sad, you deserve those compliments. :) Accept them with pride. :) I wish I had a digital scale. Congrats on weighing "E"! ;) Thank you very much for your comment!


  1. baby girl, maybe you need a break. try to eat a little more and get back to being healthy, if only for a little while. You've been doing so well but no one can be strong forever. I don't want to discourage you, but I really don't want you to break either.
    lots of love (and today some concern too),

  2. aww sweetheart, i cant imagine how you are feeling but i know from time to time i get so fucked up and crazy i have to stop myself from taking a long walk off a short pier
    we love you and i hope you are okay
    be safe love

  3. What a bummer. I hope you start feeling better soon.

    I usually just spend a lot of time crying when I'm feeling a little crazy. I don't know if that kind of thing has ever been beneficial to you. It's not really productive, but it helps me exhaust my thoughts until I can't think anymore about whatever is bothering me (even if I don't know exactly what that might be). It's alright to just be alone for a while and be with your thoughts and let them come and go until you start feeling stable again.

  4. That, my dear, is poetry. :D
    I wrote something similar to that just the other day.
    I hope that things calm down for you!
    I think being alone with your thoughts for a little while may just be exactly what you need.
    I am feeling light and wonderful today, actually.
    I did a killer workout and am totally feeling it now. :D
    Usually, though, if I get into moods where I feel I am slipping and losing control, I tend to shut down and want to be away from everyone.
    That is just the way I am.
    If you want or need a sounding board, I would be more than happy to oblige. :)
    Best of luck, love. <3


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