Monday, April 4, 2011

twisted logic

"That's not a lunch." Jen says, looking at my "lunch". She's peeling the crust off her sandwich. It looks more like she's dissecting the sandwich into a tiny, tiny square.

"Yes it is," I insist. Honey Nut Cheerios. One half of a cup, carefully measured this morning. 55 calories. I should have counted each Cheerio. I plan to count each one as I eat. I pick them up, one by one. I forget to count. They all look like little round edible zeros, reminding me of my goal. Size zero. Size double zero. I arranged them into a perfect heart shape. Don't eat them, you'll break the heart. But I ate them.

My stomach was craving food. But hunger is just a feeling. It's all in my mind, which means it doesn't exist. Hunger is imaginary. It's not real, it doesn't exist. Not real at all. I'm not actually hungry, my stupid stomach is lying to me. Only my need to be perfectly thin exists. Why would I follow some imaginary feeling of hunger, instead of my desire to be perfect?

When my stomach says I want food, I imagine whatever food I'm craving as a huge lump of fat on my body. If I eat it, it'll be an enormous, disgusting pound added to my body. Why would you do that to your body?

Replies to Comments:

BeautifulThinner16- Awwwh your comment made me SMILE. :) Thank you so much for your kind words! You motivate me to do my best!! Sadly I am not thin, but I'm getting there. I'm sure you are thinner than me! I weighed in at 107 lbs today, 5 ft 3 in. 3 pounds down from my starting weight, 12 away from my goal weight (95!).

Alexa_K- Thank you darling! :) I'm very happy you like my blog! I love reading yours also! :)

Dulce Princesa- Thank you sweetie! Your blog is in a different language but your pictures are incredibly gorgeous! I use google translator to translate your posts.

Kay- I would absolutely love to join in your fast! Let's do this! :)

Total Intake: 385 calories
Breakfast- sausage 130  (not eaten by choice, I promise!)
Lunch- 1/2 cup of Honey Nut Cheerios  55
Dinner- bread roll 100, granola bar 100

Not a complete failure, not a complete success. Fasting tomorrow, with Kay and her other followers! :) Stay strong everyone!


  1. I love dry cereal for lunch. It's tasty and almost feels like a real meal :)

  2. Oh my god, please write a book! Your writing is fabulous. Good job with the intake too. I love smart start in my yogurt but my real fave is life. It has two benefits: delicious & nutritious and it turns a conversation about cereal into a profound discussion (ex: "i like my life dry" "i spilled my life on the floor!")

  3. Omg, this post came at the perfect time. Today I was having a bit of a hard time controlling the hunger factor. But this is an amazing way to think about it, an imaginary feeling, something nonexistant that will get in the way of the goal... Thank you so much, stay strong! <3


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